Cowboy football players as Pokémon

Dekota Gregory

O’Colly Digital Sports Editor

@dekotagregory

We know the Pokémon Go fad is dying, but this site was still a twinkle in my eye when people were trespassing to catch a Pikachu. Now, it’s our turn to be fashionably late to the trend. Obviously, the story still interested you. The O’Zone will feature a “Pokémon GO-S-U” tab. Yes, cheesy name, but think of something better. To kickoff this out-of-date tab, I gave myself the task of comparing Oklahoma State football players to anime creatures. I studied for this more than I did for my business management quiz Monday, and this is what I came up with.

Jordan Sterns = Charmeleon

Charmander (Rey Hades, Flickr)

Charmeleon

Pokédex: Charmeleon has a vicious nature and will constantly seek out opponents. Strong opponents excite this Pokémon, causing it to spout bluish-white flames that torch its surroundings. However, it will relax once it has won.

Oklahoma State safety Jordan Sterns. (Kurt Steiss, O'Colly)

Oklahoma State safety Jordan Sterns
(Kurt Steiss, O’Colly)

Charmeleon might be my favorite Pokémon. People usually forget Charmeleon is there because he’s the middle child between Charmander and Charizard. Same with Sterns. Last year, Emmanuel Ogbah was the Charizard of the team and Sterns’ team-leading 108 tackles went overlooked. He also led the team in tackles in 2014 with 103. Sterns is already being overshadowed by offensive standouts Mason Rudolph and James Washington this season. But, without Charmeleon, there is no Charizard. Without Sterns, the Cowboys probably don’t tally 10 wins last year.

Mason Rudolph = Ivysaur

Ivysaur

Ivysaur

Pokédex: Ivysaur is a quadruped Pokémon similar to a dinosaur. It has blue-green

Oklahoma State quarterback Mason Rudolph. (Kurt Steiss, O'Colly)

Oklahoma State quarterback Mason Rudolph
(Kurt Steiss, O’Colly)

skin with darker patches. On top of its head are pointed ears with black inside, and it has narrow red eyes. It has a short, rounded snout with a wide mouth. Two pointed teeth protrude from its upper jaw. Each of its feet have three claws on them. The bulb on its back has bloomed into a large pink bud. A short brown trunk surrounded by leafy green fronds supports the bud. The weight of the plant prevents Ivysaur from standing on its hind legs and forces its legs to grow sturdy. When its flower is ready to bloom, it gives off a distinct, strong sweet-smelling aroma and starts swelling. Ivysaur will also start spending more time in sunlight in preparation for its upcoming evolution. Exposure to sunlight adds to the strength of both Ivysaur and its plant.

Out of the three starter Pokémon, Bulbasaur evolves the quickest. Rudolph was also forced to evolve quickly. He was Bulbasaur for his first three games as a freshman against Baylor, Oklahoma and the Cactus Bowl against Washington. As a sophomore, he had to evolve into an Ivysaur and still is headed into his junior campaign. However, he may evolve quickly again into a Venusaur. Rudolph has been featured in several draft projections as a pick in one of the first three rounds of the next NFL Draft.

Zach Crabtree = Nidoqueen

Nidoqueen

Nidoqueen

Pokédex: Nidoqueen can be quite fierce and is very protective over its young. This

Oklahoma State offensive lineman Zach Crabtree. (Kurt Steiss, O'Colly)

Oklahoma State offensive lineman Zach Crabtree
(Kurt Steiss, O’Colly)

Pokémon is at its strongest when it is defending its young, and will try to seal the entrance to its burrow to protect them. When in contact with foes, it can poison them with the spikes from its back or cause small tremors by slamming the ground. It is also adept at sending foes flying with harsh tackles and it uses its hefty bulk to execute powerful moves.

Yes, I know Nidoqueen is a girl, but ignore that for the sake of this article. Other than that, Nidoqueen’s Pokédex entry might as well be Crabtree’s bio on OSU’s athletic website. Crabtree doesn’t have a young, but he does have a quarterback to protect. A Moon Stone is required to evolve a Nidorina, and experience might be what was needed for Crabtree and the rest of the offensive line to evolve into a better unit.

Ramon Richards = Kadabra

Kadabra

Kadabra

Pokédex: Kadabra emits alpha waves strong enough to induce headaches, and can even cause clocks to run backwards, machines to malfunction, and delicate devices to cease functioning altogether. When it has a headache, the alpha waves become unusual. Kadabra can double the amplitude of its alpha waves when holding its spoon, and can increase it even further by closing its eyes. The waves increase further in strength the more danger Kadabra faces. All of Kadabra’s brain cells work in unison while it uses its powers.

Oklahoma State cornerback Ramon Richards. (Kurt Steiss, O'Colly)

Oklahoma State cornerback Ramon Richards
(Kurt Steiss, O’Colly)

For some reason, any physic Pokémon just seemed fitting for Richards. I went with Kadabra because he confuses me, and so does Richards. The two also cause headaches but come up big at random times. Richards was recruited as a quarterback, which is probably what causes him to get beat on routes often and results in headaches for OSU fans. But, just as OSU fans start to doubt his ability, Richards uses his physic power to pull in an interception. Confusing, right? Plus, Kadabra gets all of his power from his mind. You might not know this, but Richards is actually smart underneath those dreadlocks. The dude was accepted into Harvard before he decided to bring his talents to Stillwater.

James Washington = Growlithe

Growlithe

Growlithe

Pokédex: Growlithe is a friendly and loyal Pokémon that will fearlessly defend its Trainer and territory from harm, even against larger, stronger enemies. It will fiercely bark at, bite and chase away any perceived threat, including those who suddenly approach its Trainer. Otherwise, this obedient Pokémon will wait motionlessly until given an order. Growlithe also has a powerful olfactory sense. If it detects an unknown smell in its territory, it roars to flush out the intruder. It is able to smell the emotions of others, and never forgets a scent.

Oklahoma State receiver James Washington. (Kurt Steiss, O'Colly)

Oklahoma State receiver James Washington
(Kurt Steiss, O’Colly)

When Washington is at a press conference, he stands there with his hands clasped in front of him. OSU coach Mike Gundy said that Washington is quiet even at practice. Then, Washington steps on the field and does a lot of talking with his play. Washington doesn’t bark at opponents, but he does have quite the vertical. Growlithe is also a little undersized like Washington, but Rudolph still looks for Washington on goal line fades, even if the cornerback has a couple of inches on him. Lastly, if we’re talking obedience, our editor-in-chief, Nathan Ruiz, talked to almost 20 people about Washington for a story and never heard of a bad thing about the kid.

Running backs = Egg

Pokédex: Unknown

Like an egg, you don’t know what the hell you’re going to see in the backfield for OSU this season. Four possible options were featured on OSU’s first depth chart of the season, and Gundy said Jeff Carr should have also been included. The Cowboys’ run game was atrocious last year, but OSU lost only Raymond Taylor and gained a few more possible weapons. But, like most eggs, whatever hatches probably won’t be anything that you already didn’t have. More than likely, returning starter Chris Carson will line up when the first whistle blows and fellow returners Rennie Childs and Carr will get most of the carries as his backup. Or, just maybe, Gundy will throw us for a loop and transfer Barry J. Sander or freshman Justice Hill will carry the rock Week 1.

ozone@ocolly.com 

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